Beautiful disaster. and not even to me ..
Not to him...
I just didn\'t have myself to give.
He wanted me.
But, he didn\'t want anyone else .
So, instead of stringing him along, I prayed each day that he\'d find someone to fill the void that his heart must\'ve suffered from because I couldn\'t.
Not for our future.
Not for me.
Not for him.
The issue was, I couldn\'t.
But, him, he made me want to .
I lived with the consequences of it all each and every day.
Forgetting the past and what it had done to me wasn\'t easy.
Persistent, he was - unintentionally making it most difficult to bury my trauma .
Why must you continue hurting yourself to love me? It\'s the question I desperately want to ask the man who sees no flaws in such a flawed woman.
That\'s what I believe him to be.
Victim of my despair.
And, I was ready for whatever when it came down to them both.
Simultaneously, I found my father and my forever .
But, then there was her and eventually, them.
For so long, it had just been me, my mother, my cousins, and my brother.
Instead of the hovering clouds producing gazillions of little droplets of rain, they showered me with new siblings, nieces, nephews, sister-in-laws, and brother-in-laws .
Though the gloom of it all lingered above both our heads, the winds that accompanied the storm were the breath of fresh air that I needed.
A thunderous, darkening storm with lightning that graciously exposed the paternity of my brother and me .
She was the calm before my storm .
Unintentionally, she sank her hooks in me .
Gentle to the touch yet stubborn as a bull, she made it hard to resist her.
Although it wasn\'t the easiest to reach, I knew her heart was pure .
Who hurt you? The first question comes to mind when I open my mouth to greet her.
The first thing that comes to mind when I think of her.
Beautiful disaster
